Check it out. The cutest. Right?

You see me for who I really am. You see right through my appearance and what I try to make myself appear to others. You see the ugliness within. You see my dark desires and my stupidity. You see the gross, disgusting, horrid thoughts that I think every minute. Your pure and sinless eyes look on me and see everything that I am, and instead of looking at me in disgust, You look at me in love.

Love! Of all the things You feel; You should be disgraced by me and despise every bit of me; You feel love for me!

But why on earth would You choose to love me? I forget You daily. I ignore You when you call out to me. I am ashamed of You! How can You continue to love me unconditionally when I choose to hate You so often?

And then I have the audacity to come crawling back, begging You to fill me when really, You’ve been here all along. I have the audacity to ask You for this or for that; for You to give, give, give. I am blind to the mercy you give me every minute. How can You still choose to love me when I’m so deserving of Your wrath? How can You even stand me?

Yet You call me Your daughter. And You bless me more than I can ever fathom. And You direct my life with Your perfect plan. You care for me and You keep me.

Heavenly Father, I have no words. Sorry just doesn’t seem adequate. But unfortunately it’s all that comes to mind. Heavenly Father, I am sorry. You deserve a perfect child, or at least one that can love You back enough. But You gladly choose me. I’ll never understand. But I thank You. I thank You. I thank You. I thank You.

Anyway, not too long ago I felt compelled to write a few thoughts down, and those thoughts sort of morphed into my own little slam poem. Not quite as powerful or creative as the one above, but I’m happy with it.

Welcome – to the story of a Christian

Born and raised to follow the name

Memorizing and criticizing

All who didn’t do the same

Every Sunday, year after year

Going to church, following the rules

Being a good little dear

And for what?

Well, to avoid those fiery pools

But then that fear turned into something more

Something beyond the crackers and juice

Something beyond this never ending ruse

Something along the lines of fruit

A relationship

And finally,

Everything was perfect

Wait. No.

Back it up.

This isn’t real. This isn’t enough.

Welcome – to the story of a Person

Who is ugly inside but hidden well

Who has deep dark struggles but will never tell

Who long ago fell

Into the deep pit of sin

And then

Gave in

And let evil win

Porn and drugs and cutting wrists

Christians don’t deal with things like this

Or at least they don’t show it

And no one can ever know it

Jealousy and wrath

Envelope every thought

And all those things I’ve been taught

You’d think it’d be enough to stop

Yet here it comes

Overtaking everything I love

This isn’t what a Christian is

Born and raised only to fall

Again and again

Into the same things without fail

Like a dog chasing his tail

Like a never-ending storm of hail

Like a bullet that tears the veil

Of a perfectly pure bride

And why?

Because that’s what it means to be born in sin

But wait.

This isn’t it.

This isn’t all there is.

Jesus died to pay the price

So we don’t have to hide under this disguise

Or be thrown into the fire and rightfully damned

Because nothing could ever suffice

But the perfect blood of the lamb

So

Why do we put on the face

That we have it all together?

Why do we think it’s necessary

To making us better?

Let’s get real. It’s nothing short of a lie

No, I don’t want to hide what’s always inside

One hundred percent bona fide

Because this is what Christ decides:

To love despite

And pull us out of the ashes

And into the light

Welcome – to the story of a Christian

To the story of a Person

To the story of how God listens

“I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. Third, what’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”

Tony Compolo

This quote was mentioned in last night’s Campus Crusade meeting and it really hit home with me. How completely true is that? How completely sad is that?

As humans, we tend to avoid bad news. If something horrific is happening on the opposite side of the world, whether that be war, enslavement, human trafficking, AIDs, riots, or anything along those lines, we don’t like to acknowledge it – as long as it’s far away. I mean, the fact is, there isn’t a whole lot that we can do about these things, and thinking about it is just depressing. But is that the appropriate response we should take as followers of Christ? And more importantly, is it worth it to spend our time freaking out about the minor things that lead to legalism instead of praying for the world?

PS: I know this language is offensive (it offends me too, for the record). But it reminds me of something my old youth pastor once said, so is the gospel.

The story of Martha and Mary in Luke chapter ten is about worrying. And how much of the day do we spend worrying? Really think about that. Today, from the moment I first stepped out of bed, I was worried I wouldn’t have enough time to get ready. Then I was worried about making it to class on time. Then I was worried about the homework I had forgotten to do. Then I was worried about getting that exam back. Then I was worried about having to present a project. Then I was worried about having enough cash in my wallet to pay for food – or even having time to eat food. Then I was worried about preparing for my Bible study. Then I was worried that no one would come to Bible study. Etcetera, etcetera.

The fact of the matter is, worrying is pointless. What good does worrying do? It may be motivation to finish something and be productive, but most of the time it just tears you down. And God wants to build you up.

Martha was so concerned about pleasing Jesus that she didn’t even stop to listen to him. Do you think Jesus would have preferred a clean house over growth in Martha’s spirit? I don’t think so.

We shouldn’t spend our time worrying about appeasing Jesus, but instead pray for the Holy Spirit to shine through us and glorify Him. And that’s what I’ve learned from my study in Luke this past week.

At the beginning of this year, I deactivated my Facebook account for several reasons (as the video above already specified). But it wasn’t an easy decision because that’s how I kept in contact with a lot of people, especially those in Czech Republic. However, I love being without it. I don’t love not being able to keep in contact as conveniently with people. But I love not wasting a bunch of time accomplishing nothing. Although, now that I’ve arrived home after a second year in Czech, I’m beginning to second guess my decision. What do you think? Should I reactivate my account? Am I talking too much about myself?

I’ve moved this blog from tumblr, so if you wish to read some of my previous writings, heading over there would be your best bet. Your next best bet would probably be the pages on the bar above (A Story of God’s Grace, Nutshell, Pictures of Life, and Why Czech is Great). There I kind of go into more detail about my life and whatnot.

I’ve decided to move because I find WordPress’ format easier, and an easier format makes for a better writer, and I want to get better at writing more. So if you’d like to, join me on this adventure that is a life with our Lord and Savior!